Overview
“Exactly What to Say” by Phil M Jones is a practical guide to mastering the subtle art of persuasion through strategic language. Rather than focusing on manipulation, the book teaches readers how specific phrases can reduce resistance, guide decision-making, and build stronger connections in conversations. By understanding the psychology behind words, you can become more influential in business, sales, and personal relationships.
The Power of Permission and Pressure Relief
One of the foundational concepts in the book is learning how to remove psychological barriers in conversations. The phrase “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but…” immediately signals to listeners that there’s no pressure, making them more receptive to what follows. Similarly, asking “How open-minded are you?” naturally attracts people toward ideas they might otherwise dismiss. These phrases work because they address the subconscious need for autonomy and freedom from coercion.
Shifting Perspectives Through Strategic Questions
Jones emphasizes that influence is fundamentally about controlling conversations through questions. Phrases like “What do you know about…?” move people from certainty to doubt, making them more open to new information. The technique “How would you feel if…?” works because people make decisions emotionally before rationalizing them logically. By asking people to imagine future scenarios, you activate their emotional engagement and time-traveling imagination.
Creating Mental Pictures
The phrase “Just imagine” triggers the subconscious to visualize scenarios. This technique leverages storytelling to create compelling mental images that guide decision-making. Rather than telling people what will happen, you invite them to experience the outcome in their minds first.
Commitment and Scheduling Control
Maintaining control of conversations requires strategic scheduling. The phrase “When would be a good time to…?” assumes agreement and removes the option of refusal. This subtle linguistic shift transforms a question into a path toward commitment. Similarly, “I’m guessing you haven’t got around to…” uses negative framing to prompt positive action—people naturally want to prove you wrong and complete what they promised.
Strategic Word Swaps That Increase Compliance
Small changes in wording create significant differences in outcomes. Instead of “Do you have any questions?” ask “What questions do you have for me?” The latter assumes questions exist and puts you in control. When requesting information, “What’s the best number to contact you at?” works far better than “Can I have your phone number?” because it removes the permission-based resistance that arises when people feel asked for permission.
Guiding Decisions
The phrase “As I see it, you have three options” frames decisions while maintaining apparent impartiality. You’re not telling people what to do—you’re presenting their choices in a way that subtly favors your preferred outcome. The concept of “two types of people” creates instant decision-making by prompting listeners to self-identify with one category or another.
Building Agreement and Rapport
Phrases like “I bet you’re a bit like me” follow the path of least resistance in conversations, making agreement feel natural. Using conditional statements (“If… then…”) positions guaranteed outcomes that feel difficult to dispute. The phrase “Most people do…” leverages social proof, tapping into the human tendency to follow what others do.
Managing Objections and Negativity
When facing doubts, “The good news is…” reframes situations with optimism. “Don’t worry” (said confidently) provides immediate reassurance. To handle the common objection “I need time to think,” use “Just out of curiosity, what specifically do you need time to think about?” This identifies the real barrier rather than accepting the standard delay tactic.
Closing and Moving Forward
Jones stresses that leading conversations to closure is your responsibility. “What happens next?” ensures progress. When facing resistance, “If I can…, will you…?” isolates specific conditions and removes excuses. The phrase “Enough?” (asking if a number or amount is sufficient) triggers immediate agreement. “Just one more thing” keeps conversations alive, preventing you from walking away empty-handed.
The Art of Asking for Help
An often-overlooked technique is asking for favors after receiving gratitude. When people say “thank you,” they feel they owe something—that’s the ideal moment to request help with “You couldn’t do me a small favor, could you?”
Key Takeaway
Influence isn’t about manipulation; it’s about understanding how language shapes perception and emotion. By choosing words carefully and asking strategic questions, you maintain control of conversations while making others feel respected and heard. These magic words work because they respect psychological principles about autonomy, social proof, emotion, and decision-making.